I have “fat” days and I have “slim” days. I exercise 5 times a week, doing a combination of running, yoga and weights. I get 8 hours of sleep a night and fit in “self care” days when I am feeling a little lack lustre. I also eat healthy for most meals, with a couple of naughty nights a week when we go out or order takeout. All in all - I think I lead a pretty healthy balanced life. 

However the scales definitely do not show it.

For a while I became zealous about losing the weight - so I upped my exercise regime, managed my calorie intake and also cut down on the evening drinks. Yet nothing changed on the scales and I didn’t really notice any big difference on how I looked despite my best effort. And that’s when I started thinking - I’m putting so much focus on losing weight. I think I’m just going to chill out a little bit here and just exercise for the purpose of feeling stronger and becoming more flexible. 

Not surprisingly, 2 weeks into my more “relaxed” attitude I started to “feel” slimmer and more comfortable with the way I looked. And that’s when I started to think - when I think I am having a “fat” day - am I “feeling” fat or am I actually fat? Conversely, if I think that I am slim, will I also feel slim?

Don’t get me wrong - I understand the need to be in a healthy weight range and the importance of fitness. When we are physically unhealthy, no amount of thinking or feeling will change that. Only action and activity can get us back to the path of health. I am specifically referencing the situation where we are healthy, but would prefer to be slimmer, toner, leaner for aesthetic reasons. Because we believe that having that bit of softness around the belly or thighs is ugly. Because it's humiliating having to ask a shop assistant for a larger size.

To be completely honest - I’ve been saying that I need to lose 5kg for the last 12 years. However is it really fair that I am expecting my weight to be the same as it was when I was in my early 20s? Like many others, my lifestyle has also significantly changed in 2020 - I no longer have to physically go to an office on a daily basis and honestly, I am sitting down or limited to only movements around my little 750 sqf apartment for more than 80% of my day. So again, am I being a little bit too hard on myself that I’m a little bit over my preferred (not ideal) weight?

After years of constant thinking about my weight - I am realising that in order to feel slim and subsequently beautiful - I need to start thinking that I am slim and beautiful.  So how can we feel beautiful? 

Like all true long lasting change, the change needs to start from the inside.

• Focus on keeping yourself healthy physically and mentally - when you are healthy on the inside, it will show on the outside. No need for rigid exercise programs if that’s not your thing, just get active in a way that you enjoy

• Stop comparing yourself to models on Instagram! Their livelihoods are dependent on how they look and their photographs are carefully taken to make them beautiful. If you have other work that is a priority then its unrealistic to look as put together the way they do 

• Make your clothes work for you instead of the other way round! If a certain style or fit does not fit you, ditch them. Not all designs are made for all bodies.

What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful?